• “People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”
  • “Always do whatever is next.”
  • “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
  • “Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.”
  • “I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.”
  • “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
  • “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” 
  • “I do this real moron thing, and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.” 
  • “I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
  • “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
  • “Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
  • “How is it possible to have a civil war?” 
  • “Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?”
  • “In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” 
  • “The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.” 
  • “Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.” 
  • “It’s never just a game when you’re winning.” 
  • “If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ” 
  • “Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.”
  • “I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. ” 
  • “I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” 
  • And please don’t confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything’s gonna be all right.”